LAST MOVIE FROM THE AMBLIN FILES OF THE 1980S COMES TO LIFE AT AMAZON.

I love ’80s movies. And every time someone tries to re-create the feel of them I tend to like those, too. So it’s a great pleasure to review LAIR, the new Amazon Studios film based on the last project to be developed at Amblin which never got made–’til now.

The backstory is that Spielberg wanted Scorsese to do it, but his take was repeatedly seen as too dark by everyone involved. At one point, Scorsese’s script had the villain kill the house pet and wear him as a robe. Spielberg was nervous. The project was shelved.

Scorsese had been highly invested. The two filmmakers had a falling out about the movie, and it would take years to bring them together. In fact, it took all of their children tricking them into attending Francis Ford Coppola’s birthday party so they could lock them in a room which finally produced a truce… and this new movie.

The solution ended up being simple: hire a skillful but conventional director, name the two giants as producers, and make the crowd-pleasing film everyone always wanted.

The premise is equally simple: a nice American family comes into money and purchases the giant, elaborate mansion that used to belong to a supervillain. They move in. The supervillain breaks out of prison and heads for his old digs.

Since by the way, there are no more superheroes left, this means the family is going to have to fight off the home invasion using their smarts, their knowledge of each other, and the spooky new home’s gadgetry.

Voila. A movie that is one part Amblin family togetherness, and one part PANIC ROOM meets THE DARK KNIGHT.

It definitely seems to have steered more Scorsese’s way than a HOME ALONE retread Spielberg might have favored. Amazon’s got the goods. And below is the short story monologue that started everything into motion.

LAIRS.

Offered at a competitive price, this unique property grants the owner an extraordinary daily experience.

Your new home comes with amenities most can only dream of, including up to date kitchen, master bedroom, dining room, and a fully operational weapons control system replete with retractable automatic weapons throughout the home, as well as a rooftop garage kitted out with advanced technology vehicles.

This family dwelling offers the kind of security that would cause a superhero to quiver, alongside total comfort. You simply have to accept that the previous owner was less than ideal. But rest assured he is locked up tight in the city penitentiary for the insane…and the chances of his escaping and returning to check on his previous residence are slim to none.

Some families, some buyers may feel hesitation. The Clown Bishop, after all, succeeded in killing the last superhero, DarkShield, and that may cause discomfort. Others will realize the absolute originality of the asset, and rightly feel that it is a way of pulling something good out of the darkness of the hero’s tragedy.

Those with a dislike for religious icons, or what the Clown Bishop viewed as his own preferred religious expressions, can certainly remove the items that are unwanted, and re-decorate. This goes for the many Clown Bishop portraits that remain on the walls, and the fascinating party room facility inside that is made almost entirely of red and purple pillows and religious statues that only become visible with nightfall. It is not clear even to us how this effect is achieved.

You may find one or two things that are superbly unusual hidden within the mansion but what would this agreement be without an offer of surprise, above all?

At Bryton-Cornet Realty, we are confident that although we may not have found and removed all evidence of the supervillain’s presence in the home, what remains is simply part of the modern adventure of urban living.

So contact us at once if you wish to purchase the ultimate urban homestead.

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